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Margo Castellanos

Welcome to my blog about cinematography life. We will talk about movies, actors and producers. For all movies fans.

Alien vs Predator Review P.2

Publié par Margo Castellanos sur 11 Avril 2017, 21:27pm

Escaping the pursuing monsters for a time, Lex and Sebastian find the entire history of the lost civilisation set out in hieroglyphs on the wall of a chamber. They read of how the Predators taught the earthlings about certain advanced technologies, and in return were worshipped as gods, with humans acting as hosts to breed Aliens for the Predators to hunt. Rather oddly, this account also includes the reason that this civilisation vanished, as if the Predators were overwhelmed they would activate a huge bomb to kill every living thing within miles. Quite who survived this to chisel the story into the wall is never specified. Apparently the heat bloom picked up by Weyland’s satellite was to lure humans to act as hosts, though this seems to be an enormous stroke of luck on the part of the Predators - otherwise they would only be fighting tiny facehuggers.

Sebastian is soon picked off by an Alien, and Lex comes face to face with the Predator, returning his weapon in an attempt to make peace. An Alien attack leads to Lex killing one of the creatures by sheer chance, though this is enough to gain the respect of the Predator, who fashions her a spear from the tail of an Alien, and a shield from the head. In the lowest chamber the Aliens use the Queen’s own acidic blood to break the chains, freeing her only to presumably be killed as Lex and the Predator escape the underground chasm having left one of the Predator’s bombs behind. Somehow the Queen does survive, and attacks the surviving pair on the surface, impaling the Predator right through the chest, and trapping Lex underneath a water tower. Lex and the Predator manage to attach the remaining chains to the tower and push it over a cliff, plunging the Queen into the icy deep below. The Predator dies from his wounds, and a huge spaceship re-materialises, showing a huge number of Predators who decided that an Alien Queen escaping from their temple didn’t merit their involvement. Alexa is left with a retractable spear and no jacket in the wastes of Antarctica, though luckily the temperature only merits a “mildly chilly” on the Lex-o-meter. Our final shot is of the Predator’s body aboard the ship, with the Alien embryo bursting from his chest, bearing characteristics of both Aliens and Predators, and setting up the obvious (and equally disappointing) sequel.

The ineptitude of this production is incredible, as it manages to mangle the facts of both franchises and commits simple research failures simultaneously. The Predators’ sense of sportsmanship wavers greatly, so on one occasion they are happy to murder an unarmed man and on another Lex can attack one with an ice-pick with no consequences. The Predators weapons are either badly written or spectacularly unfair, since at least one of the Predator has weapons that are completely melted by the Alien’s acidic blood, while the last surviving warrior’s weapons are utterly unaffected by it. But the Predators get off lightly when it comes to errors, as the Aliens are so badly handled that it's an affront to the entire mythos. We have Alien embryos maturing to adulthood in mere minutes (we know thanks to the handy ten minute shifting of the pyramid), when it has been established clearly that the gestation period is at least 24 hours, and it takes about another few hours at least for the creature to mature to full size.

The incredible trailer image (indeed, the image that the film was sold on) featured thousands of Aliens attacking three Predators, though quite how the Predators found thousands of victims without wiping out the worshipping population is unclear - after all, one body can only host one Alien. Outside of ruining the canon, this film incorrectly claims that the Aztecs had a metric calender, that the Mayan “Long Count” was a feature of this same Aztec calendar, and that summertime in Antarctica would be as dark as night despite perpetual sunlight from around October (when the film takes place) to February.

Read the last part of review in my next post.

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